I didn't talk much this month.
There's a lot to be said for not talking a whole lot. It tends to leave room for things like listening and thinking. And contrary to popular culture it's really best to do one thing at a time.
I'm hoping this current cyclical downturn in that god ya'll call Capitalism will help folks come back to center a bit. And don't be fooled.... you're not being punished, you don't have it coming, you didn't do anything wrong to deserve it..... it's a cycle. Somewhere in the neighborhood of every 27 years your economies go from boom to bust. The bright silver lining is that since it's a cycle that means you just tough it out and it'll come back. I know that's harder for the folks close to the edge than the ones that have more than they need but never the none the less it will cycle back.
I'm kinda hoping that the next up cycle includes other parts of the world getting a better share of the pie and that includes the parts that live in the United States of North America.
I hope my brother Barrack doesn't fall down. I trust him to piss off everyone and fix some stuff.
So. . . cook at home. Make friends again. Play board games with your family. Make your neighborhood a neighborhood again by getting together to fix up your street or park or graveyard. Find some common values and stop concentrating on the differences so that you feel part of something rather than isolated and alone.
You're not alone. I love you. And I'm always right there over your right shoulder doing my best to hold you up.
You can be that for each other too. Sometimes you just forget.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Coping
It's going to be an interesting next few months. My local union tapped me to sit in on negotiations between the IBEW and Xcel Energy. I'm feeling a little unqualified. IBEW represents about 4,000 folks and we'll be setting the terms for the next contract. Xcel is typically pretty ruthless in these negotiations and we've been very close to striking a couple times in the 2 decades + that I've worked there. I'm pretty sure they'll use the economy as an excuse to try to get more concessions and my opinion is that they don't deserve them since they're still building new buildings and lots of other capital investment (and we're the ones doing the work). The folks that administrate the local have reassured me that they have a fund on the off chance I launch myself across a table to throttle someone. (I have no idea why they think I would do such a thing since I'm so even tempered and well mannered).
SO, I have to leave my family for 5 days and 4 nights in a row to go to Denver. While there I lose out on contributing to my 401k, and my health insurance premiums will simply build until I get a check from Xcel when we're all done and I go back to work. (The union will replace my wages at a slightly lower rate and I'll miss out on overtime also, so I won't be losing out on too awful much).
I just don't like being outta town that much.
I know, I know.... rich mans problems. I HAVE a job, and I HAVE health insurance, and I HAVE a family that loves me. I'm incredibly aware of how lucky and privileged I am. I was born to a family that lived in a 2 bedroom tin trailer that sat on blocks and we didn't have running water for the early part of my life. I try to never forget that. The odd part of this contract negotiation thing is that while I and my co-workers have a pretty good deal...... we're working for people that make millions and most of us can die pretty quickly working with live electricity and live gas so I think we deserve a decent piece of the pie.
I'm oft reminded that things like the current ice storm with millions out of power is about the only time Linemen seem important to the rest of the country. :D As it should be I think. Funny...... a fireman breaks a nail and it's big news and there's a fucking parade. I bet a handful of linemen (linepersons since women now are in the workforce as well) will die putting the powerlines back up. It won't even get a footnote.
I'm going to take my store bought copy of Jesus Swept with me and re-read it while there. That will be nice.... and I have my laptop and txting to stay in touch with Laura and Crys. I do like to travel and I've had folks calling me from around the company telling me they're glad I'm doing this.
I hope I can justify their faith in me. I do so hate to fail.
SO, I have to leave my family for 5 days and 4 nights in a row to go to Denver. While there I lose out on contributing to my 401k, and my health insurance premiums will simply build until I get a check from Xcel when we're all done and I go back to work. (The union will replace my wages at a slightly lower rate and I'll miss out on overtime also, so I won't be losing out on too awful much).
I just don't like being outta town that much.
I know, I know.... rich mans problems. I HAVE a job, and I HAVE health insurance, and I HAVE a family that loves me. I'm incredibly aware of how lucky and privileged I am. I was born to a family that lived in a 2 bedroom tin trailer that sat on blocks and we didn't have running water for the early part of my life. I try to never forget that. The odd part of this contract negotiation thing is that while I and my co-workers have a pretty good deal...... we're working for people that make millions and most of us can die pretty quickly working with live electricity and live gas so I think we deserve a decent piece of the pie.
I'm oft reminded that things like the current ice storm with millions out of power is about the only time Linemen seem important to the rest of the country. :D As it should be I think. Funny...... a fireman breaks a nail and it's big news and there's a fucking parade. I bet a handful of linemen (linepersons since women now are in the workforce as well) will die putting the powerlines back up. It won't even get a footnote.
I'm going to take my store bought copy of Jesus Swept with me and re-read it while there. That will be nice.... and I have my laptop and txting to stay in touch with Laura and Crys. I do like to travel and I've had folks calling me from around the company telling me they're glad I'm doing this.
I hope I can justify their faith in me. I do so hate to fail.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
art to be laboured
the more i realize with the days standing tall on end upside down and mixed about. the more i realized that to achieve even little art can be impressive .. for often art in our minds is only considered and left unlabored..
so much beauty so little time.. v.
There is no spoon
To strengthen her hand as the Queen of Cow Psychics, Lori bought a worn-down bungalow bordered on three sides by pastures of a working dairy farm. Only an ancient cemetery out back kept her from being surrounded by the beasts. She claims the combination of cows and corpses keeps her tuned in to whatever connections she needs to run her animal mind-reading business.
Which explains why she doesn’t miss the softest of voices whispering across the nape of her neck this cold December morning. There is no spoon.
Which explains why she doesn’t miss the softest of voices whispering across the nape of her neck this cold December morning. There is no spoon.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Ergo ego
Over the past two days we've found ourselves confronted by the hard edge of ego getting in our way, tripping us up like a loose brick in a slick walkway. We stumble, we wonder. If someone else were saying to us the things we say to others, we wouldn't listen. Not for a splickety second. No sirree.
We had an online spat with another blogger today and behaved badly. We got mad and petty and embarrassed ourselves. We apologized, of course, to which the blogger said, "no apology necessary." Maybe not for him.
*******************
A teacher told us once to imagine my hand in a bucket of water. "Now remove it," he said. "Do you see how long it took the water to fill in where your hand was? That's how long it takes the universe to get along without you." We like to imagine otherwise. But alas, tis true.
We had an online spat with another blogger today and behaved badly. We got mad and petty and embarrassed ourselves. We apologized, of course, to which the blogger said, "no apology necessary." Maybe not for him.
*******************
A teacher told us once to imagine my hand in a bucket of water. "Now remove it," he said. "Do you see how long it took the water to fill in where your hand was? That's how long it takes the universe to get along without you." We like to imagine otherwise. But alas, tis true.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
After life
Liz: We don't understand. That's the hard truth.
Lori: Easy for you to say. You're dead.
Liz: Was dead.
Lori: And now you're not?
Liz: Now we're you.
Lori: How many of you are there?
Liz: As many as you want.
Lori: Easy for you to say. You're dead.
Liz: Was dead.
Lori: And now you're not?
Liz: Now we're you.
Lori: How many of you are there?
Liz: As many as you want.
Manifesto
This is not meant to offend (hugs to you, JJ), but is just a bit of snarkiness.
10 reasons why I will never be a Midwesterner:
1. “Yup” is not a word, nor an appropriate response to a question or statement.
2. I don’t drink alcohol, ever, and
3. We do not have a mini-bar in our basement.
4. I prefer my Mexican food to be edible.
5. Weather below 0 degrees Fahrenheit is not refreshing, it’s life-threatening.
6. “Pop” is a sound, not a soft drink.
7. I prefer honesty to forced politeness, false humility and passive-aggressive hostility.
8. There is no justification for using tater tots in a casserole.
9. I loathe professional sports. And college sports. And high school sports.
10. Parboiled rice is an oxymoron.
10 reasons why I will never be a Midwesterner:
1. “Yup” is not a word, nor an appropriate response to a question or statement.
2. I don’t drink alcohol, ever, and
3. We do not have a mini-bar in our basement.
4. I prefer my Mexican food to be edible.
5. Weather below 0 degrees Fahrenheit is not refreshing, it’s life-threatening.
6. “Pop” is a sound, not a soft drink.
7. I prefer honesty to forced politeness, false humility and passive-aggressive hostility.
8. There is no justification for using tater tots in a casserole.
9. I loathe professional sports. And college sports. And high school sports.
10. Parboiled rice is an oxymoron.
Just call me Atlas
I have figured out how Atlas feels carrying the world around on his shoulders. I am beyond caring. G has taken to "sucking" up when I am at wits end. Rubbing my shoulders out of affection causes more pain than the relief he is trying to offer. I am not immune to his desire only to his method of helping. Life is what you make it but between disconnect notices and notices to evict. I am wanting to find a resting post for the world. I am coming to grip with the fact this year is going to be different. I for one am hoping the difference is better. I know that my advocate with the IRS is helping to straighten that mess out. I know that we go before an actual judge on Feb 26th. I know it is on the contempt docket and will most likely walk out with a jail order on file. I know my son is going to a Pre-Med high school, which means more gas and longer days. I will do what I can to help him have all the advantages to a better life. My part time employer gave me crap for signing him up and how "glad he is I have the extra gas money to drive him the 20 minutes to school every day." This is a classic example of how I don't care for people to "help" us. Then they feel some type of right to judge my choices. Yes they have put gas in my vehicle a few times over the last 3 years. I have only ever asked once to have them fill my tank and that time I paid the bill right away. Even though she offered me to pay part amounts over the month. Then on the first day I got a check let me know she needed the money then. I also know she offers her basement to us. The people who lived in her basement before were in the basic same situation as us. I thought when I first met them it was a great offer. Then each time they got fast food my friend commented on how they couldn't pay their bills but could buy food for their kids. I am sick of this type of judgement by others. I work two jobs now and there are days when I get home at 7 pm that I wish I had the funding to buy ready made food. I did splurge last night but after a week of 12 hours days I didn't have it in me to make meatloaf and watch it cook. I bought rot. chicken and will make another meal out of the leftover meat. I miss being able to grab Taco Bell, Mc D's even would be nice. We rarely get to eat Chinese buffet since that 20-30 bucks would get almost a weeks grocery lately. I look forward to actually having the means to do what we need to. I am trying to figure out another way I can find another job that will pay without depriving my kids or leaving them to make their own decisions. I wish I could find a real at home job that would prove profitable. I also would need a better computer for that. If I were able to find a job from home, I am sure I could devote enough time to earn more. Computers are my friends and I am damn good at them. Until then I will continue plodding away and hope that a. support comes in, b. G gets a job and actually gives me some to bail myself out, and c. that things ease up and I can relax some. Knowing I am not freaked by the notice to quit from my landlord is scary in itself. Then you face the fact you always have that hunger inside and the inability to fully fill it for fear you will let your child be hungry. It would be great if I was one of those people that lost weight with stress. I am not. I am the opposite. Oh yeah for me.
Each day is just another repeat of the one before. Soon I just know a breakthrough is coming. Until then... we keep moving forward and hope I don't stumble and let the world crash down.
Each day is just another repeat of the one before. Soon I just know a breakthrough is coming. Until then... we keep moving forward and hope I don't stumble and let the world crash down.
Ta-dah!
Well, James did it. Last night he had his first public reading of Jesus Swept. And despite his being a nervous Nelly, it all went off smoothly. Once his voice settled in, he seemed to enjoy the chance to read to the very wonderful crowd assembled at Market Street Books, in Southern Village. The parts he read about us were superb, of course. We were the hit of the party!
About 25 people came, and bought many books. Proceeds went to the store, which is also a non-profit community center.
About 25 people came, and bought many books. Proceeds went to the store, which is also a non-profit community center.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
After school rip off.
I feel like I am stealing money from whomever. My after school job is BORING. I feed B a snack, clean him up and then for the next 2 hours sit and watch him do whatever he chooses. Usually it is games on his computer. He has a really cool touch one the school district provided him. I totally suck at driving games and he seems to like Mater Racing. He gets frusterated and I feel my time is wasting. I don't know that I should be trying to teach him something but playing is beyond me. The money has proven to be very important and vital to survival. I just am not sure I like being in this family so much. I feel obligated to help since C will help whenever things are bad for me. With G not working and not even looking at this point. He is laid off and starting Nursing school Feb 2nd. The only problem is he isn't getting his unemployment yet and has lied to me about the money situation. I look at all the people I really don't care for. I have more than my share. I do a great job of hiding my dislike for people. I want to tell people just what I think of them, but know it would most likely hurt a lot of people and those things always come around to bite you in the butt. Never burn bridges, the water likes to rise. I get tired of holding all this bottled up energy inside. I want a new life most of the time and look forward to the day I can rent a date. No more relationships for me. Friends with bene will suit all my needs. Men (sorry guys) annoy the holy crap out of me and sometimes I just want to extinguish all of them. This is an off day but in my life everything is fabulous.
Impatience requires a beating heart
That first wreck was bad enough, cracking her skittery skull the way it did. Those threads squirmed in like a tangle of slinkies buzzing through her brain. Do good, be nice, have fun. Whatever.
But the wreck in November, that was a killer.
One minute she was peeling onto Morgan Mountain Road, spinning her wheels in a gravely grind. Then boom, busted back to smithereens. Blindsided by a preacher in a fancy new Jag, a Bible-humping bat, straight out of hell. She didn’t stand a chance.
If you’ve never been dead, you haven’t missed much. There’s no worry, no hurry. Just the smooth glide of grace on the back side of light. And the breathless bliss of being.
Until you decide to come back.
But the wreck in November, that was a killer.
One minute she was peeling onto Morgan Mountain Road, spinning her wheels in a gravely grind. Then boom, busted back to smithereens. Blindsided by a preacher in a fancy new Jag, a Bible-humping bat, straight out of hell. She didn’t stand a chance.
If you’ve never been dead, you haven’t missed much. There’s no worry, no hurry. Just the smooth glide of grace on the back side of light. And the breathless bliss of being.
Until you decide to come back.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Welcome, Mr. Obama
We are so pleased to have you as our new president. Just don't forget who is Queen.
;)
;)
Monday, January 19, 2009
Monday
I'm back. Been gone a while, not blogging or writing anywhere...anything.
Still making stuff which is a really good thing. I'm dyeing fibers with Laura and there for a while making stuff in the clay studio (soon more). The concert was fun, and now I will be making plans to learn snowboarding (thanks to Denny).
Spent the entire weekend relaxing, lazing around, and knitting in front of movies. I wanted to regret not getting more stuff done, but I decided this morning to let it go and believe that I needed the break. It was nice not to have anywhere to go or anything that needed my attention. No towing cars, or helping brothers, or watching children... didn't really even do any cleaning to speak of. Just started knitting a soft blanket on really huge needles and a pair of really soft socks on teeny tiny needles and covered up with the tigger blanket in my chair between Laura and Denny's chairs.
Felt good...a happy, mellow home weekend...no drama except on the tv.
<3
Still making stuff which is a really good thing. I'm dyeing fibers with Laura and there for a while making stuff in the clay studio (soon more). The concert was fun, and now I will be making plans to learn snowboarding (thanks to Denny).
Spent the entire weekend relaxing, lazing around, and knitting in front of movies. I wanted to regret not getting more stuff done, but I decided this morning to let it go and believe that I needed the break. It was nice not to have anywhere to go or anything that needed my attention. No towing cars, or helping brothers, or watching children... didn't really even do any cleaning to speak of. Just started knitting a soft blanket on really huge needles and a pair of really soft socks on teeny tiny needles and covered up with the tigger blanket in my chair between Laura and Denny's chairs.
Felt good...a happy, mellow home weekend...no drama except on the tv.
<3
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I adamantly demand that the above blog title be changed. Even though I'm outta here anyway. Out of respect for the women who post here.
There is nothing funny about murdered wives, okay? It's not funny, it's not cool, it's misogynistic and ugly and hateful. Please fucking change it.
Soli.
Then she said: I remove myself from this blog, and community, with complete fucking prejudice. I've got a safe space on the internet. I've got a few. Here is apparently not going to be one of them. If you want me, I'll be back in radical feminist sanity land.
Soli.
Then she said: I remove myself from this blog, and community, with complete fucking prejudice. I've got a safe space on the internet. I've got a few. Here is apparently not going to be one of them. If you want me, I'll be back in radical feminist sanity land.
I'm just sayin
Lately I'm wondering about a couple things dad did......
Like the whole Adam and Eve thing........ I mean the conflict in the suppositions are just twisting my head into a pretzel. OK, so dad makes the world and the heavens and the earth and this fancy garden (probably New Jersey or maybe Philly since it's always sunny in Philly) and then puts a couple people in it. They're supposed to live there, and follow the rules and they're supposed to have free will. They're supposed to have the ability to choose. Then my brother Lou (Lucifer to yall) lets them know that they should probably eat the fruit from that tree, the one of knowledge of good and evil.
This is where I get lost.
What the heck kinda choices could A&E make if they were ignorant to start with? And if they were able to choose to eat the fruit it had to be because dad made them so that they could. I mean if he really didn't want them to know stuff he shoulda just made 'em so they couldn't do that. Yall like this whole "god is perfect and infallible" approach.... so either he made A&E so they could choose knowing that they would, OR he made a mistake. If he made a mistake the whole thing falls down so that shouldn't be it or it's a whole 'nother conversation. Couple that with the other notion yall follow, that god is all knowing and all powerful, and we're left with nothing other than that dad set the whole thing up to fail so that this state of chaos yall are in would come about.
What kinda fucked up bullshit is that?
It made my brother Lou nuts and he did something about it. This makes him a bad guy? I thought problem solvers were supposed to be a good thing. I mean I got tired of all that blood and guts sacrificing shit and came down here to do something about it.
Problem solver.
How come what I did is good and what Lou did was bad? Same as I couldn't have done what I came to do without good old Judas. For the life (and death) of me I can't see how my sacrifice is noble and his is not. Not to mention no one could decide if anything is good or bad if they didn't eat that "good and evil" fruit to start with. If those TV preachers think it was a bad thing that stained humanity forever and anon you'd think they'd avoid judging and deciding shit since they think the race was never supposed to do that in the first freakin place.
SO it all goes round and round in my head until I'm dizzy.
Maybe I'll just give Lou a call and we'll go have a beer and talk it over.
Like the whole Adam and Eve thing........ I mean the conflict in the suppositions are just twisting my head into a pretzel. OK, so dad makes the world and the heavens and the earth and this fancy garden (probably New Jersey or maybe Philly since it's always sunny in Philly) and then puts a couple people in it. They're supposed to live there, and follow the rules and they're supposed to have free will. They're supposed to have the ability to choose. Then my brother Lou (Lucifer to yall) lets them know that they should probably eat the fruit from that tree, the one of knowledge of good and evil.
This is where I get lost.
What the heck kinda choices could A&E make if they were ignorant to start with? And if they were able to choose to eat the fruit it had to be because dad made them so that they could. I mean if he really didn't want them to know stuff he shoulda just made 'em so they couldn't do that. Yall like this whole "god is perfect and infallible" approach.... so either he made A&E so they could choose knowing that they would, OR he made a mistake. If he made a mistake the whole thing falls down so that shouldn't be it or it's a whole 'nother conversation. Couple that with the other notion yall follow, that god is all knowing and all powerful, and we're left with nothing other than that dad set the whole thing up to fail so that this state of chaos yall are in would come about.
What kinda fucked up bullshit is that?
It made my brother Lou nuts and he did something about it. This makes him a bad guy? I thought problem solvers were supposed to be a good thing. I mean I got tired of all that blood and guts sacrificing shit and came down here to do something about it.
Problem solver.
How come what I did is good and what Lou did was bad? Same as I couldn't have done what I came to do without good old Judas. For the life (and death) of me I can't see how my sacrifice is noble and his is not. Not to mention no one could decide if anything is good or bad if they didn't eat that "good and evil" fruit to start with. If those TV preachers think it was a bad thing that stained humanity forever and anon you'd think they'd avoid judging and deciding shit since they think the race was never supposed to do that in the first freakin place.
SO it all goes round and round in my head until I'm dizzy.
Maybe I'll just give Lou a call and we'll go have a beer and talk it over.
Impatience
That first wreck was bad enough, cracking her skittery skull the way it did. Talk about fertile ground. It’s no wonder those threads took root. Hungry people will eat almost anything.
But that second wreck? That was a killer.
One minute she was peeling onto the Morgan Mountain Road, spinning her wheels in a gravely grind. Then boom. Busted all the way to smithereens. Her sweet little Honda, blindsided by an apoplectic preacher in a fancy new Jaguar. A bat out of hell. Neither stood a chance.
If you’ve never been dead before, you’re in for a treat. It never gets old, not for a splickety-lick second. You’re just there, gliding smooth on the back side of light. The breathless bliss of being without time.
Impatience requires a beating heart.
But that second wreck? That was a killer.
One minute she was peeling onto the Morgan Mountain Road, spinning her wheels in a gravely grind. Then boom. Busted all the way to smithereens. Her sweet little Honda, blindsided by an apoplectic preacher in a fancy new Jaguar. A bat out of hell. Neither stood a chance.
If you’ve never been dead before, you’re in for a treat. It never gets old, not for a splickety-lick second. You’re just there, gliding smooth on the back side of light. The breathless bliss of being without time.
Impatience requires a beating heart.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Strange conversations
This week was quite eventful.
Goodwill has been chaos of course, with news that the president of all the Goodwills in the nation will be visiting our store at the end of February. I think the Big-wig-circus will be quite amusing; I'll be hiding in the coat racks.
This week the cops came four times, once for a fistfight that broke out in the Payee office, another fight broke out between two customers, a bum threw his change at Angel for kicking him off the lot, we got people running in and snatching sections of clothes and then running out... it goes on.
Yesterday was the fourth time the cops came in; it was for my coworker, I still don't know what happened but she's OK. My other coworker is deathly ill, working around me and blowing her germs everywhere because she can't afford to stay home. Another broke off her engagement the night before so her ex came in and was all crazy towards me...
I was thankful I was able to work, but Karma got me when I said I was the only worker who wasn't having problems right then.
Before I came into work today I got a call from work saying Angel passed out and I needed to take her to the hospital.
The hospital was surreal, I've seen so many horror movies about hospitals that I can't help but feel the suspense. Down the hall the doctors were hanging out in a room telling crazy patient stories like this one person who had a hip replacement and they were crossing their legs too much and got stuck in that position... he described in detail how they popped them back in... it was disgusting.
We were next to another patient that we couldn't see, but the conversation was still heard...
Doctor: "Hot Damn! that is one hell of a fracture, looks like someone smashed in your face with a baseball bat!!"
Patient: "I'm in so much pain!"
Doctor: "Wow that fracture is so big...The fracture extends down like this causing some paralysis on this side of the face, I'm sure you can tell your smile is droopy but your eye socket could have been shoved down causing blindness, you could be in a lot worse shape for a fracture this big! "
The conversation would be interrupted by the raucous laughter from the nurses and doctors... I felt very strange sitting there.
Angels doctor was rather nice and polite, we kinda wanted the one from next door. Angel turned out to be fine. It gave us an excuse to have a day off together and hide in our apartment from the world and all its craziness.
I'm SO glad this week is over.
Goodwill has been chaos of course, with news that the president of all the Goodwills in the nation will be visiting our store at the end of February. I think the Big-wig-circus will be quite amusing; I'll be hiding in the coat racks.
This week the cops came four times, once for a fistfight that broke out in the Payee office, another fight broke out between two customers, a bum threw his change at Angel for kicking him off the lot, we got people running in and snatching sections of clothes and then running out... it goes on.
Yesterday was the fourth time the cops came in; it was for my coworker, I still don't know what happened but she's OK. My other coworker is deathly ill, working around me and blowing her germs everywhere because she can't afford to stay home. Another broke off her engagement the night before so her ex came in and was all crazy towards me...
I was thankful I was able to work, but Karma got me when I said I was the only worker who wasn't having problems right then.
Before I came into work today I got a call from work saying Angel passed out and I needed to take her to the hospital.
The hospital was surreal, I've seen so many horror movies about hospitals that I can't help but feel the suspense. Down the hall the doctors were hanging out in a room telling crazy patient stories like this one person who had a hip replacement and they were crossing their legs too much and got stuck in that position... he described in detail how they popped them back in... it was disgusting.
We were next to another patient that we couldn't see, but the conversation was still heard...
Doctor: "Hot Damn! that is one hell of a fracture, looks like someone smashed in your face with a baseball bat!!"
Patient: "I'm in so much pain!"
Doctor: "Wow that fracture is so big...The fracture extends down like this causing some paralysis on this side of the face, I'm sure you can tell your smile is droopy but your eye socket could have been shoved down causing blindness, you could be in a lot worse shape for a fracture this big! "
The conversation would be interrupted by the raucous laughter from the nurses and doctors... I felt very strange sitting there.
Angels doctor was rather nice and polite, we kinda wanted the one from next door. Angel turned out to be fine. It gave us an excuse to have a day off together and hide in our apartment from the world and all its craziness.
I'm SO glad this week is over.
Resurrection
We have been dead for a few years, and have found it most tiresome. We can see the allure of resurrection.
One of our readers recently said that my demise quite nearly broke his heart.
We would like to return.
One of our readers recently said that my demise quite nearly broke his heart.
We would like to return.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Turning and turning
Strikes me today how the world keeps on turning.
Tuesday we'll have a new president and I'll wait patiently for him to disappoint me. :) No mystery to me that it'll happen, it just begs the question of when.
Funny things in my head. I was getting a burrito from our local stand the other day and they asked me if I wanted pinto or black. I replied.... "black, like my president".
And as I posted on James "Blue NC" blog the other day... I'm starting to think that the cold snap in the east is less about global warming and more the effects of hell having frozen over since a black man got elected president.
I'm doing my usual winter chore of burning lots of wood to keep the gallery warm until spring. Pesky chore that.
This week our union's business manager called me and asked me to be on the negotiating committee for our next contract with the utility company I work for. That should be interesting. It'll mean that I'm out of town for a few days each week sitting in meetings with people who want desperately to turn me and my ilk into slave labor to line their own pockets. I'm hoping I can keep a lid on my mouth. It tends to just kinda go off on its own on occasion. I have yet to find a way to manage this effectively.
The salt kiln I helped build at Adams State last spring has finally been plumbed and soon we will run the first pile of ware through it. The teach has promised me that I'll get to fill it myself once for the efforts I put into getting it together. There's lots of kiln news. Laura gave me a cool book for Christmas and it's all about alternative firing techniques and I'm kind of excited to try some of them. And of course I have my own brick kilns to build this year. It's time.
The George Clinton concert Crys and I went to in Denver last weekend was great. So now we're collecting songs that we didn't have before. The tree trimmers' boss at work is also a fan and gave me 11 albums he'd burned and I didn't yet have on my ipod. I think that's cool. He saw me in my concert t-shirt and got VERY excited to have another funkateer to talk to.
And now I'm getting sleepy. It must be time for snoozing. Here's hoping it comes and I don't do my usual tossing and turning.
G'nite my dear friends.
Tuesday we'll have a new president and I'll wait patiently for him to disappoint me. :) No mystery to me that it'll happen, it just begs the question of when.
Funny things in my head. I was getting a burrito from our local stand the other day and they asked me if I wanted pinto or black. I replied.... "black, like my president".
And as I posted on James "Blue NC" blog the other day... I'm starting to think that the cold snap in the east is less about global warming and more the effects of hell having frozen over since a black man got elected president.
I'm doing my usual winter chore of burning lots of wood to keep the gallery warm until spring. Pesky chore that.
This week our union's business manager called me and asked me to be on the negotiating committee for our next contract with the utility company I work for. That should be interesting. It'll mean that I'm out of town for a few days each week sitting in meetings with people who want desperately to turn me and my ilk into slave labor to line their own pockets. I'm hoping I can keep a lid on my mouth. It tends to just kinda go off on its own on occasion. I have yet to find a way to manage this effectively.
The salt kiln I helped build at Adams State last spring has finally been plumbed and soon we will run the first pile of ware through it. The teach has promised me that I'll get to fill it myself once for the efforts I put into getting it together. There's lots of kiln news. Laura gave me a cool book for Christmas and it's all about alternative firing techniques and I'm kind of excited to try some of them. And of course I have my own brick kilns to build this year. It's time.
The George Clinton concert Crys and I went to in Denver last weekend was great. So now we're collecting songs that we didn't have before. The tree trimmers' boss at work is also a fan and gave me 11 albums he'd burned and I didn't yet have on my ipod. I think that's cool. He saw me in my concert t-shirt and got VERY excited to have another funkateer to talk to.
And now I'm getting sleepy. It must be time for snoozing. Here's hoping it comes and I don't do my usual tossing and turning.
G'nite my dear friends.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Trying to Stay Warm
The temperature will fall to -22 deg. tonite; that's about -42 with windchill. The high tomorrow will be -2. And, I have a final in Large Animal Obstetrics on Friday.
I'd cry but the tears would freeze to my face.
Hope you all are warmer.
I'd cry but the tears would freeze to my face.
Hope you all are warmer.
My new "fabulousness" is being tested.
Court was again moved. He did however let them know he got a job... a FRICKIN' month later. I requested a jail order. I found out the attorney for SRS already moved it to Contempt Docket. We will be in front of a judge and most likely wlll get a jail order by HIS choice. YEAH! Now I just have to wait another month.
The new year brought G laid off and searching a new career. My extra job is trying to keep us in a house. Not to darn good either. He has signed up for a 2 year nursing program. Since I have known him, he has changed his career dreams at least every other season.
Liz was concerned about people noticing blogs. I used to worry about this also but realized they may read it but not always commenting. It can be a good thing. But then there are a lot of us really busy people who barely have time to read. I read the great book and although I am not "listed" as being included. I like the reference to JJ's eatery... may not be my JJness but claim it none-the-less.
Alena got a soccer scholarship and will get to play. Now I just have to find some shoes for her. Since we have a ton of kids who play soccer at school I have a great chance of finding some shoes and pads that will fit. I am just glad she is able to achieve a dream.
Will might be going to a school that offers a Pre-Med program. Looks pretty good, only problem is I will have to get him there and back home. Life always has its own share of obstacles. The principal at the new school is one I worked with my first year in OP. He remembered me and was excited to have my son attend his school. We go again tomorrow night to find out about it. I hope he too can get some dreams going the right way.
Alena talked to the counsellor at school about df's ignoring her birthday. It is bothering her far more than she acknowledges to herself. It is causing a lot of stress for her. I wish I knew the way to approach df and fixing it, only realize it is not possible.
I just am glad I have some wonderful people in our lives that can help her feel confident and help her achieve great things.
Happiness........
The new year brought G laid off and searching a new career. My extra job is trying to keep us in a house. Not to darn good either. He has signed up for a 2 year nursing program. Since I have known him, he has changed his career dreams at least every other season.
Liz was concerned about people noticing blogs. I used to worry about this also but realized they may read it but not always commenting. It can be a good thing. But then there are a lot of us really busy people who barely have time to read. I read the great book and although I am not "listed" as being included. I like the reference to JJ's eatery... may not be my JJness but claim it none-the-less.
Alena got a soccer scholarship and will get to play. Now I just have to find some shoes for her. Since we have a ton of kids who play soccer at school I have a great chance of finding some shoes and pads that will fit. I am just glad she is able to achieve a dream.
Will might be going to a school that offers a Pre-Med program. Looks pretty good, only problem is I will have to get him there and back home. Life always has its own share of obstacles. The principal at the new school is one I worked with my first year in OP. He remembered me and was excited to have my son attend his school. We go again tomorrow night to find out about it. I hope he too can get some dreams going the right way.
Alena talked to the counsellor at school about df's ignoring her birthday. It is bothering her far more than she acknowledges to herself. It is causing a lot of stress for her. I wish I knew the way to approach df and fixing it, only realize it is not possible.
I just am glad I have some wonderful people in our lives that can help her feel confident and help her achieve great things.
Happiness........
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
James wrote this
The perfect swarm
After twenty years of cranking out copy for business clients, I figured I’d written at least one of just about everything. Billboards for a herd of cows. Sales pitches to international tax lawyers. Animated videos. Web sites. Even news stories. If the job involved words, I wrote them.
Truth be told, I’m pretty good. On a good day, I can pull in a few four Ben Franklins an hour – beyond my craziest dreams back in journalism school.
But no matter how much client work I got, something always seemed to be missing: My very own voice. Before long, I found myself moonlighting on my freelancing. I started writing fiction. And then I became a blogger. It all came together in a swirling swarm.
On the fiction front, ten years toiling on my first novel, Jesus Swept, transformed my business writing in ways both grand and gritty. It crystallized the value of a clear storyline, something I had always understood, but never really taken to heart. It crushed my clichés, drove adverbs into oblivion. And most exciting, it distinguished my personal style of business writing in a world gone wild with PowerPoint. Business readers can
feel the difference.
Not surprisingly, the influence is bidirectional. The confidence required in briefing for Wall Street analysts finds a natural home in the words of my omniscient narrators. The challenge of squeezing a global brand into a five second web banner breeds a kind of precision that readers of literary fiction seem to appreciate.
From there, the shift into blogging was like hitting warp speed on the starship Enterprise. Talk about needing to buckle up.
My immersion in the blogosphere started four years ago with local politics in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. I had just finished the first draft of Jesus Swept and needed a break from editing. Blogging proved seductive. Within a year, I had started my own political blog – BlueNC.com – which now attracts nearly 6,000 unique visitors each week. It also sucks up at least five hours of my time every day.
Writing a popular blog feels like a cross between managing a small newspaper and babysitting, though some journalists claim those are the same job. Not only am I cleaning up the work of other writers, I’m constantly scrambling to deliver a steady stream of content that will keep readers coming back for more. I’ve come to understand the real value of pixels – which is as fleeting as the click of a mouse.
In blogging, every post and every comment is a field experiment. People either respond – or they don’t. And I know it instantly.
At first that kind of feedback about my writing was infuriating. How dare no one comment on my brilliant post? But it didn’t take long until I came to accept the absence of feedback as the most valuable kind of feedback I could possibly get. If my writing isn’t good enough to earn a few seconds of attention from busy readers, how could I ever hope to have a best-selling book?
So Jesus Swept went back to the drawing board. With one hand in the blogosphere and the other working for business clients, I started a grand revision of my novel, mixing all three forms – blogging, business writing, fiction – into a spicy soup.
To my wonderful wife, these different kinds of writing look a lot alike. They all involve me hunched over a keyboard, the blue glow of a twenty-inch Dell monitor ghosting my face to a digital shade of pale.
But no matter how it looks from the outside, I’ve learned these three kinds of writing are as different as earth, wind and fire – except when they’re not.
After twenty years of cranking out copy for business clients, I figured I’d written at least one of just about everything. Billboards for a herd of cows. Sales pitches to international tax lawyers. Animated videos. Web sites. Even news stories. If the job involved words, I wrote them.
Truth be told, I’m pretty good. On a good day, I can pull in a few four Ben Franklins an hour – beyond my craziest dreams back in journalism school.
But no matter how much client work I got, something always seemed to be missing: My very own voice. Before long, I found myself moonlighting on my freelancing. I started writing fiction. And then I became a blogger. It all came together in a swirling swarm.
On the fiction front, ten years toiling on my first novel, Jesus Swept, transformed my business writing in ways both grand and gritty. It crystallized the value of a clear storyline, something I had always understood, but never really taken to heart. It crushed my clichés, drove adverbs into oblivion. And most exciting, it distinguished my personal style of business writing in a world gone wild with PowerPoint. Business readers can
feel the difference.
Not surprisingly, the influence is bidirectional. The confidence required in briefing for Wall Street analysts finds a natural home in the words of my omniscient narrators. The challenge of squeezing a global brand into a five second web banner breeds a kind of precision that readers of literary fiction seem to appreciate.
From there, the shift into blogging was like hitting warp speed on the starship Enterprise. Talk about needing to buckle up.
My immersion in the blogosphere started four years ago with local politics in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. I had just finished the first draft of Jesus Swept and needed a break from editing. Blogging proved seductive. Within a year, I had started my own political blog – BlueNC.com – which now attracts nearly 6,000 unique visitors each week. It also sucks up at least five hours of my time every day.
Writing a popular blog feels like a cross between managing a small newspaper and babysitting, though some journalists claim those are the same job. Not only am I cleaning up the work of other writers, I’m constantly scrambling to deliver a steady stream of content that will keep readers coming back for more. I’ve come to understand the real value of pixels – which is as fleeting as the click of a mouse.
In blogging, every post and every comment is a field experiment. People either respond – or they don’t. And I know it instantly.
At first that kind of feedback about my writing was infuriating. How dare no one comment on my brilliant post? But it didn’t take long until I came to accept the absence of feedback as the most valuable kind of feedback I could possibly get. If my writing isn’t good enough to earn a few seconds of attention from busy readers, how could I ever hope to have a best-selling book?
So Jesus Swept went back to the drawing board. With one hand in the blogosphere and the other working for business clients, I started a grand revision of my novel, mixing all three forms – blogging, business writing, fiction – into a spicy soup.
To my wonderful wife, these different kinds of writing look a lot alike. They all involve me hunched over a keyboard, the blue glow of a twenty-inch Dell monitor ghosting my face to a digital shade of pale.
But no matter how it looks from the outside, I’ve learned these three kinds of writing are as different as earth, wind and fire – except when they’re not.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Moving and grooving
So Crys and I went to a concert last Saturday. George Clinton with Parliament and Funkadelic. Odd..... the spell check doesn't know the right way to spell funkadelic. Ah well nothing's perfect.
It was very fun. But my goodness those people smoked a lot of weed. I don't really much care to breathe smoke doesn't matter what variety it is. But the concert was way good. It was a birthday present and a darned good one. I got a few of those. Laura gifted me a new pair of shoes. Toms. When you buy a pair of Tom's shoes they also send a pair to a third world child. I think that's kinda cool. We also started donating to kiva.org to help out folks trying to start businesses in third world countries. I did a little one in January and Laura's mom and dad sent us some money for Christmas so we donated that as well.
Feels rather good.
I just got called today to be on the negotiating committee for the next contract between our union (IBEW local 111) and Xcel Energy in Colorado. That should be interesting. There are already meeting set up for all of February and March. We'll see how it goes. I have a sneaking suspicion that my local union bosses think they're picking some of us to be their sacrificial lambs with the membership. That may end up surprising them.
I'm working on a laptop. I ended up wiping it. The guy had 184 trojan viruses on it, one of which was setting up time delayed regeneration in the system edit/restore files. Mean. Very mean. If one really must surf porn then one really should run with a virus protection condom.
Laura started teaching her classes again this week. That's a good thing, she likes it.
And I like her.
Odd story. On the way back from Denver on Sunday Crys and I had to get she and Pablo's car from a Saturn parking lot in Colorado Springs. The traffic was amazingly horrible and we couldn't figure out why. Then we started seeing signs for a "Bridal Show" and thought " well that's odd can't figure that many folks being attracted to wedding shit" but a block later we saw signs for a gun show.
It's Colorado Springs, and just a few days to the inauguration ..... them rednecks need them some GUNS.
OK. That's probably enough rambling from me for now. I'll flap my gums some more later on.
It was very fun. But my goodness those people smoked a lot of weed. I don't really much care to breathe smoke doesn't matter what variety it is. But the concert was way good. It was a birthday present and a darned good one. I got a few of those. Laura gifted me a new pair of shoes. Toms. When you buy a pair of Tom's shoes they also send a pair to a third world child. I think that's kinda cool. We also started donating to kiva.org to help out folks trying to start businesses in third world countries. I did a little one in January and Laura's mom and dad sent us some money for Christmas so we donated that as well.
Feels rather good.
I just got called today to be on the negotiating committee for the next contract between our union (IBEW local 111) and Xcel Energy in Colorado. That should be interesting. There are already meeting set up for all of February and March. We'll see how it goes. I have a sneaking suspicion that my local union bosses think they're picking some of us to be their sacrificial lambs with the membership. That may end up surprising them.
I'm working on a laptop. I ended up wiping it. The guy had 184 trojan viruses on it, one of which was setting up time delayed regeneration in the system edit/restore files. Mean. Very mean. If one really must surf porn then one really should run with a virus protection condom.
Laura started teaching her classes again this week. That's a good thing, she likes it.
And I like her.
Odd story. On the way back from Denver on Sunday Crys and I had to get she and Pablo's car from a Saturn parking lot in Colorado Springs. The traffic was amazingly horrible and we couldn't figure out why. Then we started seeing signs for a "Bridal Show" and thought " well that's odd can't figure that many folks being attracted to wedding shit" but a block later we saw signs for a gun show.
It's Colorado Springs, and just a few days to the inauguration ..... them rednecks need them some GUNS.
OK. That's probably enough rambling from me for now. I'll flap my gums some more later on.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Extreme winter wasteland
Many things have happened since I last posted.
As I'm sure all of you have read in your own newspapers, Spokane has had the highest rate of snowfall it has ever had in its history.
I was outside that Christmas Eve night, feeling the euphoric rush of pure Ecstasy as the snow fell in long strips at white out conditions. Climbing through the 4 foot snow downtown was an experience I told myself never to forget. The city was locked down, the people huddling inside their homes, not daring to go out in this blizzard... except for us.
Angel, her brother and I trudged to her car to check on it, and we walked past a homeless teen walking around to stay alive with the ultimate face of suffering; the temperature at about ten degrees and the added wind chill factor made the lack of shelter life-threatening. I felt true sorrow for this degenerate being, whatever the reason the guy was homeless it wasn't worth being out in the most vicious weather I've seen in my life.
As we walked the only sound we heard was the wailing sirens from all over the city. The combination of freezing temperatures and dry air made the power generators overwork and catch on fire. Large fire engines had all their freak-out lights on as we climbed past the buzzing media crews on our journey to Riverfront Park. I turned and looked at the city, listening to all the sirens and looking right into the blizzard, felt it's menace mixed with the fear rising from the city streets. I soaked it all in, felt my body charge up its survival energy for the rest of my journey.
Once we got to the park the Imax was ACTUALLY open, we harassed the workers and played in their arcade until the time came to watch a very lame movie: The Day the Earth Stood Still.
After that we went and played in the snow, simply jumping back and being caught in a giant mattress of fluffy snow. Cops drove by us playing in the blizzard and looked at us like we were insane. That night, we were.
Finally we reached home and I rested up for Christmas day. That day was spent inside and it was lovely, followed by the beginning of my next journey to California.
:
:
The train ride to California was beautiful, seeing the winter wasteland fly by me on my escape to warmer climate. My train was 8 hours late because of weather. The train had no food, only one working toilet and the people were all drained. Amtrak gave us complimentary Subway at the next stop, and my trip went well from there.
Seeing my parents was so good, and my Grandma and cousins. I missed my family so much, my sister has grown another 6 inches or so.
California is really gross looking. Bums and dilapidated houses everywhere. That is one of the worst places to try and find a job, says Yahoo.
The week went by quick, New Years held the relief that 08' is over (thank God) and the uncertainty for what is to come this year. I think it will go extremely fast, my life is flying by me.
I have already been back a week and finally back to normal from that whole crazy month. Jesus Swept was great, and its good to be back.
As I'm sure all of you have read in your own newspapers, Spokane has had the highest rate of snowfall it has ever had in its history.
I was outside that Christmas Eve night, feeling the euphoric rush of pure Ecstasy as the snow fell in long strips at white out conditions. Climbing through the 4 foot snow downtown was an experience I told myself never to forget. The city was locked down, the people huddling inside their homes, not daring to go out in this blizzard... except for us.
Angel, her brother and I trudged to her car to check on it, and we walked past a homeless teen walking around to stay alive with the ultimate face of suffering; the temperature at about ten degrees and the added wind chill factor made the lack of shelter life-threatening. I felt true sorrow for this degenerate being, whatever the reason the guy was homeless it wasn't worth being out in the most vicious weather I've seen in my life.
As we walked the only sound we heard was the wailing sirens from all over the city. The combination of freezing temperatures and dry air made the power generators overwork and catch on fire. Large fire engines had all their freak-out lights on as we climbed past the buzzing media crews on our journey to Riverfront Park. I turned and looked at the city, listening to all the sirens and looking right into the blizzard, felt it's menace mixed with the fear rising from the city streets. I soaked it all in, felt my body charge up its survival energy for the rest of my journey.
Once we got to the park the Imax was ACTUALLY open, we harassed the workers and played in their arcade until the time came to watch a very lame movie: The Day the Earth Stood Still.
After that we went and played in the snow, simply jumping back and being caught in a giant mattress of fluffy snow. Cops drove by us playing in the blizzard and looked at us like we were insane. That night, we were.
Finally we reached home and I rested up for Christmas day. That day was spent inside and it was lovely, followed by the beginning of my next journey to California.
:
:
The train ride to California was beautiful, seeing the winter wasteland fly by me on my escape to warmer climate. My train was 8 hours late because of weather. The train had no food, only one working toilet and the people were all drained. Amtrak gave us complimentary Subway at the next stop, and my trip went well from there.
Seeing my parents was so good, and my Grandma and cousins. I missed my family so much, my sister has grown another 6 inches or so.
California is really gross looking. Bums and dilapidated houses everywhere. That is one of the worst places to try and find a job, says Yahoo.
The week went by quick, New Years held the relief that 08' is over (thank God) and the uncertainty for what is to come this year. I think it will go extremely fast, my life is flying by me.
I have already been back a week and finally back to normal from that whole crazy month. Jesus Swept was great, and its good to be back.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Bold step to you
once i get my fingers wrapped around the actual process i think things will get better.. :)
this year is cool .. life is cool .. cant complain .. at this day .. v.
things are i have to say turning around for me .. and i am quite happy.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Threads
The third times the charm,
the bird
chimes
alarm
I expect the silence on MS4
is because everyone is digesting the
gargantuan plate o meat
Liz has spilly spillied
You Hay
teh
meat
we luvs
to eat
Lizzerific
I met with my sister Melly tonight
Ordinarily I would have been immaturely jealous
that my talented siss
was a hanging
in a gallery
that I introduced her to
where I was not hanging
on the date
that I reserve
for just
a
such a
purpose
But no, I was consumed by my need to talk to my sis,
the only other living person within physical contact range,
that has finished
"the book"
the hook book
She said to me:
Don't expect to feel like you even understand it for a good set of days
You may well feel it
but let it
cum
the second coming
The crack on the skull
the black in the lull
then the white
light pull
Ok well she didn't exactly say that
Do Be Have
She might have flashed that with her eyes
we were drinking Kressmans
2 dollars a glass
and oggling the art rental show
nothing moved her
I commented on how many paintings were blue and full of ocean
we smiled knowingly
thinking of
fishing
the bird
chimes
alarm
I expect the silence on MS4
is because everyone is digesting the
gargantuan plate o meat
Liz has spilly spillied
You Hay
teh
meat
we luvs
to eat
Lizzerific
I met with my sister Melly tonight
Ordinarily I would have been immaturely jealous
that my talented siss
was a hanging
in a gallery
that I introduced her to
where I was not hanging
on the date
that I reserve
for just
a
such a
purpose
But no, I was consumed by my need to talk to my sis,
the only other living person within physical contact range,
that has finished
"the book"
the hook book
She said to me:
Don't expect to feel like you even understand it for a good set of days
You may well feel it
but let it
cum
the second coming
The crack on the skull
the black in the lull
then the white
light pull
Ok well she didn't exactly say that
Do Be Have
She might have flashed that with her eyes
we were drinking Kressmans
2 dollars a glass
and oggling the art rental show
nothing moved her
I commented on how many paintings were blue and full of ocean
we smiled knowingly
thinking of
fishing
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
They think I'm a nerd, Daddy.
We have read the opening dialogue of James' second novel.
They think I'm a nerd, Daddy. Like you.
This is going to be fun.
They think I'm a nerd, Daddy. Like you.
This is going to be fun.
spleeny says hi!!
i m on with her often and she is working her way back to here.. v.
The dark nights heavy hot breath .. and nothing looms over me .. but nothing..
The dark nights heavy hot breath .. and nothing looms over me .. but nothing..
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
A new review
We really like this review!
If you did not like the best-selling book "The Shack," "Jesus Swept" will likely make your head explode! (If you "don't even want to know," move on. There's everything to see here. Including yourself reflected back and back at you.)
But if you were intrigued by the implications of "The Shack"; if you appreciated the still-voiced heart of the movie "Crash," the acid-like reality shifts of "The Matrix," the shades-of-shining darkness in the LOTR trilogy; and if (ONLY if) you could handle "that scene" in "Borat" (the one that almost killed everybody in the audience) THEN I can recommend James Alexander Protzman's deceptively simple first novel without reservation.
But be warned: You will be psychically Rolfed. Protzman tears the flesh off words and beliefs and puts it back on you again. Is it "good nice fun"? Not always. The experience is, for lack of a better description, disconcerting and Dadaesque. (If you really, really think about it, so is life.)
Protzman's writing is spare and the chapters short, but don't let that fool you. There is poetry in these pages; a soft yellow glow shines through all the skull cracks and vulgarities and character flaws. When you've finished reading the book for the first time, you may shake your head and ask, "What just f*ing hit me?" Don't be surprised if you then hear Jesus (or the Jesus who comes briefly after the next Jesus) reply "Blessed are they who don't say f*ing all the time."
Reading this book is like finding this bracelet, you see. It's like this tangle of threads. And maybe Dog will whisper to you: "You cannot hold the threads." And you won't believe it, of course, so eventually you'll pick it all up again from the beginning, this little lump of silver that has said too much already.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
So long crappy year, hello possibility year
This is most likely the darkest year I have had since the initial divorce. I have had some really dark times this year and wondered how to quit getting back up. Quitting has never been in my vocabulary and it isn't likely to start now. Each day I hope for a better one, but now I am going to concentrate on the better and not the reality of where we are. We are together and we are safe and we are able to smile. Not a lot more to ask for. This is a year of possibility. Df is the loser. He will never grasp all he has lost. Enjoy the year, and may your ride be a good one.
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