I'm sick of my dad asking me why I'm not dating guys and what's wrong. Today, he told me flat out that he wants me to have a son.
I'm tired of making excuses and leading him blindly with my lies. I love my parents, but I love Angel too. What the fuck do I do? I'm reaching a snapping point. My dad is talking about driving up to visit me, and I can just imagine him going up to my apartment and seeing our large comfortable bed and seeing what this is all about. Angel wants to keep it a secret, move if we have to just so we can set up something that looks like we're not together.
Why do I suffer through years of bad relationships and then when I finally find happiness and start moving forward I have to keep it a secret?? Why does it feel like I have to choose???
I'm so afraid that if I tell my dad he will have a heart attack right there. That it will ruin everything I've worked hard for years to build up. I feel so torn and just so sick of it. I don't know where to turn, but something must happen.
I can't do this anymore.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
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6 comments:
This seems like a good idea. If I were your dad, I'd want to know.
Truth is harder but always ends up better than deception. I told my folks about our life "style" expecting to hear a bunch of condemnation but instead they just went on with their lives. Including keeping me in it. Tell your pop. Expect him to be disappointed, but tell him anyway.
I agree... when I told my dad he was WAY more understanding than I thought.
I have had a bad experience with telling one friend of mine (somebody I thought would be completely supportive). She came around eventually though and usually, in the end, people like knowing that you trusted them with your truth.
You all are so right. I've started to take slow steps in that direction. I secured the plans to visit in California in June... that would ease some pressure off. Then somehow I must break them into it. He wants to see my writing, so I'm setting up an account for him to read which is not too personal. Angel thinks he is starting to feel disconnected from me.
This is the beginning.
v. whatever you do be patient and prepared to be hurt
maybe just hand him a printed copy of this blog, and how much random people have loved you and Angel for years now. I hope it helps. I'm in confession mode. I have noticed that when I talk about the elephant in the room, the people around respond by getting angry, denial, what ever all those stages of hearing anything bad are. "bad" being your dads inexperienced view of same sex couples. As with anything, fear always makes things larger than life, and harder than lassoing Stompy.
It might be good to warn dad ie: Dad, I would like to confirm something you have probably known for awhile. - my reference? 14 years old, mom ironing clothes, me tired of lying about smoking, puts unlit cigarette at the end of the ironing board and says " would you like me to smoke this here or outside" totally brazen move as mom is anti anti ANTI smoking. lets just say an honest dialogue followed. she was mad for a few minutes while she grappled. I reminded her that I had been responsible by coming and telling her before she "found out"
good luck super cloth
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