three days... 08

summers almost gone..   i wont be terrified..

Meep.

Seriously, trying to get a decent post out of me at this point is like trying to squeeze raspberry jelly from an artichoke.

It's just not feasible.

I'll give it a try. :)

Went out and rumbled about today...found out a favorite park has been demolished to fix what wasn't broken in the first place...my poor bean was so upset...as was I.

Took a walk, bought a few things and had some truly fantastic crepes (mine was blueberries and brie, his was spinach and some assortment of cheeses that kicked mine's BOOTY).

I am hot and sweaty and uninspired. Two out of three isn't bad, I suppose.

Watching, reading, and commenting. I'm here.


Tomorrow is a much needed day off.

easy

One.

I can't do anything right. Every effort goes un-noticed, so why do I try
at all. She needs to be the constant priority in my life and kicks and
screams when I do anything outside of her. She requires attention like a
toddler does. Temper tantrums included....free of charge. When she
drinks she is abusive, mean, and hurtful. With her I feel less-than.
Condescended. Disrespected. Inadequate. Unimportant.

But I also feel taken care of. She has a way of handling situations that
is beyond me. She is confident and assertive. She pays attention to the
little things and will go to any lengths to make me smile. She is a
constant challenge, which keeps me interested. With her I've never been
so high or so low. She is my drug.

Two.

You know the cliche about the awesome guy/girl who will hold your hair
while you puke? Rub your back, tell you they love you and don't think
you are disgusting even when you are? That's her. In fact that was the
very scene I fell into just last night. Seems drinking my sorrows away
was a bad idea.

And she calms me. She is my serenity, my escape from chaos. In her arms
I feel more loved than I ever have before. She was first my friend. She
has seen me at my very worst and been waiting at the bottom to catch me
every time, without fail. With her I am safe. I have freedom to make
mistakes and when I come back to my senses there are no I-told-you-so's
or lectures. Just her arms waiting to hold me while I put myself back
together. She is laid back, charming, adorable, and constant. With her I
can almost believe I'm good enough, that I deserve more than I let
myself have. She makes me feel beautiful, inside and out. Sometimes
it's outright terrifying. And so I run away again. And one of these
times she won't be waiting there when I get back.
--

It seems pretty fucking obvious, right? I swear I must be wired wrong.
Must think nothing of myself to consistently choose chaos over peace.
She says I don't think I deserve to be happy and she must be right. I
don't know how to make the obvious choices sometimes and I'm not stupid,
but I always have to learn the hard way. I don't know how to justify
the choices I've made before. Why I would keep going back to someone who
always proved me wrong in every excuse I've made for her. Why I would
leave the arms of someone who loves me in the most honest way
imaginable, for someone who has degraded, belittled, pushed, choked and
crushed me over and over again. Maybe I'm just a little bit crazy for
holding on to toxic garbage and calling it roses. Maybe it's time to let
go now. Fall into something terrifyingly perfect.

And maybe happy isn't something Hollywood invented, afterall.

Full day

That's my sweet LoLo and I at a visit to Rio Grande county in Del Norte. We were invited to come by our friend Glenn who used to be the mayor of Del Norte (very small town) and is now running for county commissioner. I found Tom Udall to be someone who actually answers a question. He takes his time and covers many of the variables. I like complete and nuanced answers.

This was after a pretty full day. I finished cleaning up the Accord I'm selling after the trade out with our sis Diana. She got a 93 Del Sol that gets better mileage and gives her a new outlook and I got to clean up and fix up her old Accord and sell it. Now it's just being a bit of a pain in the handoff to the woman who bought it.

That and I'm replumbing the art gallery. From the water meter through the whole house. It's the first step in moving the waterheater and installing a boiler and water baseboard heating system for winter. I'm getting a little tired of hauling firewood.

By evening I was pooped! All I got done on the water system is digging out the old water meter pit and getting a 3" pipe put under the house to run water/ventilation/electricity through. Today I might get a new piece of pipe, vent pipe and a wire put in so that they can turn the water back on next week. Or maybe I'll be a slug and it'll get done tomorrow.

Politics is fun right now. Interesting VP pick by McCain. Strategic. I'm struck by the fact that the Republicans are running a campaign based on the "cold-war" model. This VP pick is an attempt to take much of the experience based arguments off the table, and to cause the Dems a lot of headache in how to proceed. I actually think this will fail. Obama ran the most highly contested primary campaign in history against a very popular woman who was picked to win from the start. And Joe Biden (whom I just love) will have little problem debating a woman. Why do I think this? I watched him interact with his family. The ability to change his approach and continue to be himself and function with a wide variety of people is what he does. That and he's from my neck of the wood, so I just know he's a scrapper. I think that will just always count for a whole lot to me.

I'm car shopping again. A while ago Laura looked at me and said, "I get it, you're a car guy". I've always loved cars that do what they should do really efficiently. So now I'm hunting for a quality old Honda CRX. Not that I wouldn't love an old 60's GTO or a Plymouth Superbee..... but I couldn't afford to drive 'em. Nope. For many years it's been vehicles that get really good MPG's. Not that I didn't love my old 86 Crew Cab 1 ton pickup with the 460 motor, performance intake and straight headers with 4 barrel carb. :) Now THAT was a truck. I sold its 9 3/4 mpg ass to a farmer who just loves it.

Oh and I adore station wagons. I just do. I refuse to apologize for it. They are the perfect blend of form and function.

OK, off to get into things that are beyond me but I'll do anyway.

babybabybabybabybaby

i don't know about you, but all this political mess we're in would be funny if it wasn't so durn scary. that new vice pretzledent nominee, sarah palin, has five kids. my daddy raised two children. but some people have six or more as i read in this story on the intertubes

It was not my plan to have six children—it was God's. Though the last pregnancies were difficult, life was the only possible choice. What else could I say but, like Mary, Yes, I am your servant.

i guess god told mcCain to pick sarah to ride shotgun on the way to the white house, just in case He decides john's time is up.

Smothers Brothers...

Tommy, Dickey, & Me, originally uploaded by polyartgirl.

A couple of my heroes... I grew up loving their humor, have all their records (on vinyl)... I finally met them... big cheeeezy grin...

Wit as sharp as ever, particularly political (as is always a favorite). Also uploaded a rogue video from the show... Don't Pet The Dog.

Had a Denny telling me that it would make me happy, and a Pablo telling me that he was willing to join me on the trip. I almost didn't go... how dumb is that?! It was fantastic.

This week up and down. So tired tonight, and I should already be in bed. Got a full three days... of getting wood, riding in cars, riding on my motorcycle, farmers market, getting more wood, art in the park, seeing a congressman, more wood getting (really need to get wood)... and maybe, just maybe, I can sneak in a visit to the hot springs. That would be a treat worth working toward...

Kaleidescope Eyes

Now I sit in my new apartment, listening to sirens downtown and enjoying the much needed solitude of having my own place with Angel.
Since I have moved overall life has improved. I am not so paranoid, and only hallucinating when I want to. Depression has lifted, and now we both feel more inclined to have some fun. Like Sunday night.

These Kids I hang out with are crazy. It was my turn to take my dose, as I stared at it glowing under the blacklight I knew the night would be intense.
"The Spot" or so its called was up on a high hill outside the city. George dragged the group of us straight up this hill when we saw someone scoping out Angels car... Then saw searchlights and we immediately dropped to the ground. I have never been in trouble... and this is not the time I ever wanted to lose my cool. After deciding where to hide the weed on Angels body, we got up and went to face our possible doom.
To our relief it was a rent a cop. Not only did he direct us to an easier location, he also watched her car for her. He knew what we were doing, fiends with blankets and glowsticks.
Unfortunately that meant we had to climb all the way up the hill again, and by this time we all started to get fucked up. I looked at a fence and it disappeared. I suddenly became more excited, and the climb wasn't too bad. We jumped fences, battled thick brush and climbed a wall at some point. By the time I got there I was trippin. I reached for a glowstick and suddenly there were large toads everywhere... frog patterns in the sky, and the city lights danced like I have never experienced in my life. I looked up and all I had were kaleidescope eyes.. it was so intense!
The vision wouldn't stop. hours and hours went by of crawling on rocks, playing with freakout lights and watching everything come alive. Time slows down unbelievably... The crescent moon shone down on us as the night raged on.
At one point it became too much, I was freaking out a bit, I felt like I was dreadfully alone and that the only way to stop hallucinating was to fall asleep, but if I fell asleep I would die. But Angel was there and reminded me that everything would be fine in a few hours... and then the hallucinations abruptly stopped.
The sun reluctantly climbed up in the sky, and the scene was beautiful. The clouds rippled like I was in a giant fish bowl.
Following my previous post you would think that I would be apprehensive to take something so extreme, and truthfully I was for a bit. But I am coming to understand that no amount of mind altering substances I've ever taken have ever been as bad for my psyche as my own dismal outlook.
Finally, finally things are improving after moving here. Starting a real life together. Starting to have some fun and make changes that I so wish I had made long ago.

Smoke and mirrors

i think about this

like driving in circles and judging your interest
by how far down you smoked your cigarette
and now you don't even smoke

but i do

i picked fights with reality
just to see your smile
the way you looked all shaded in street lights
while i leaned into that tree outside the bar

and what i know is i turned inside out
the moment you touched me
reality shifted sideways
left me stranded
staring at empty windows
like the back of my hand.

sitting cross-legged, arms folded
in that place where everyone was wrong
and we were right
and no one could tell me any different

those tiny fractions of time
lost in moments of weakness
when i finally
for a minute
felt like i belonged
to something more than awkward glances
solitude and sadness

it feels like continents away, now
that space between silence and nothing
when i leaned against you and watched the sky fall
i stood there fearing nothing in this world

except this.

dancing on the lines
of love and comfort and obsession
we dangle between mirrors of ourselves
simple reflections of truth

in the end we are nothing like them
those two unsuspecting souls
standing on the street outside a bar
watching life twist into a spectacular ring of smoke

rising from your cigarette.
T.

another review

got some exciting news today. one of our favorite authors read our book and wrote this about it:

James Protzman's Jesus Swept is a rare accomplishment: the satire is sharp as an Exacto blade, yet the characters become real and lovable. The voices are irreverent, yet the plot leads to sweet redemption. The eye is critical; the philosophy uplifting. This novel is funny and full of growing suspense, dry wit and wild imagination. What a combo! I highly recommend it.

cool beans, heh?

peggy's first novel, revelation, was a big inspiration to me. you can find out more about her here.

bah

--

I don't know why it keeps posting blank ones first other than that I am posting from my phone...and I want that picture to post as a profile pic. Bah.

Patience please.

so it goes

I have reached a point tonight where the chaos has become a calming metaphor for my life. I'm starting to think I can't exist without it now.

Soon my roommate will be home. My roommate/lover/not-girlfriend-but-not-just-a friend type person. Just another piece of this puzzle my life has become. Seems I keep losing all the pieces lately. Three bidders on my heart and the winner is a drunk who keeps spilling the chaos in her own head into the world around me. Sometimes unwell is an understatement.

So last I posted on dear old aetheri I was married, however unahppily, and somewhat settled, if such a thing exists. Since then I've divorced (unofficially still, but it's all the same anyway), moved in with the girl who stole my heart, asked her to move out because I don't make a very good codependent and had my best friend now turned sometimes lover move into my house. She's moving soon, too.

The medication never works anyway.

Kids will be starting school soon. Work is work is my passion. Taking throw-away drug addict and alcoholic kids and paying attention to what they have to say, watching them grow from hopeless into thriving adults in training. I love my work. It's where my sanity lies.

And I write always. Nearly daily. That's how I don't go insane.

I missed you all.

T.

from coast to coast..

i left san diego - at 7am flew to washington dc..  over the whitehouse..  et.c.. 

i set up a presentation and the speakers shorte.d...   half hour.. 

flew back home today ..   two days traveling the u.s.a .. for 20 min..  of breakdown..   think after all the deal was made.. 

v..   

gets a bit lonely ...    in his hole heart..     find the strange ..    world ..  stranger..  sitting at home.. now ...  

this cold beer .. 

and sleep after some blood... 

v.

grainy day

we got four inches of rain in the last 24 hours. whew. things is a bit sloggy.

not much happening on the book front. we're waiting for a few critics and blurbers to weigh in, but there's not much we can do to speed that up. one person already said he wouldn't be able to review it after we went and sent him one of the precious few copies we have available. bleh.

darter seems to be holding her own at college. what a roller coaster.

doing lots of house-cleaning, the thing we always do when depressed or stressed. rearranging a lamp or moving a picture from one wall to another is always calming and satisfying.

hope ya'll are doing good.

Ups and downs

Last weekend was the down weekend for vehicles. My Red truck that I like a lot quit on me. This is new and just about never happens. Crystal and Pablo's car was acting weird too. Crys' motorcycle is a bit off and needs to go back to the mechanic as well and I'm still waiting on my buddy to finish up my Hooptie. Stuff just seems to be dropping left and right.

The shop called on Red today and it's gonna be about $600. That's painful but I've been working so much that I think I can handle it. The guy who was gonna put the timing belt kit in the Accord so I could sell it ended up having prostate surgery and couldn't get to it so it'll cost a good bit more to have done. But then again I'll get money when it leaves my hands so I guess paying more is OK.

They are remodeling our work warehouse and are free-raffling off stuff that is getting replaced. A few weeks ago I got a table from the breakroom. It was a lovely round orange thing, and I mostly wanted it because I've sat at it most mornings for the last 13 years. I'm all sentimental and shit like that. Well yesterday I won the refrigerator. It's a lovely leveling thing..... I was shopping for a fridge and woulda probably spent the $600 going for the truck for a fridge. SO it all works out wonderfully.

So it's been all up and down this week. And last week I worked so much they'll have to bring the Wells Fargo wagon to deliver my check. It's gonna be so fun to spend all that come 2009 :).

I'm still trying to decide if I want that blu-ray player........ because sometimes you just want more useless, unnecessary shit cluttering up your house.

silly happy mostly stupid girl

There is one person in my life that I almost always need space from. This person keeps showing up in the one portion of my life that I've specifically asked to keep for myself. I feel invaded, angry, tired instantly and very uncomfortable. Ugh. Anyway...

I ran around in the rain and hail with Pablo on the motorcycle yesterday... that was so much fun.

Silly, giggly, happy, stupid fun...just what this grumpy girl needed.

Grumpy because I'm tired of being sick, of working, tired of sharing... I know it will mellow out...but I just needed something to make me forget. Sometimes I have to get out of my head...I've been in my head way too much lately. I don't know many ways to do that.

I'm loving that I can taste food again...that things smell...and smell good! That I can have have conversations without coughing...

Loving that I'm making useless stupid knitted tea cups!

ok...

...out of my head and into the wind...

fun with metaphors

eggshells aren't really that hard to walk on. crunchy, sure, and uncomfortable when barefoot, but not so difficult. it occurs to me that perhaps the adage comes from walking on eggshells and trying not to break them, but i think it's rather careless of someone to have left them there. if one cares deeply for one's eggshells, one should not leave them where they might be trod upon.
now, broken glass ... that's some difficult walking. hurts like the very devil. but this isn't a broken glass situation. it is an eggshell situation. more on that later. but first, a bit of funk:

darter graduates

It's going to be okay. Time is a soothing balm - at least for now.

This is fucking surreal.

I'm sitting in my apartment.

Alone.

For the first time in many years, I am ALONE. No mean, nasty, intrusive relatives. No significant other. No child.

Just me. In a room. Alone. With no sound but the buzz of the fridge and computer.

I'm tingling. :)


So much has happened since Aetheri went away. I got separated. Got pregnant. Got back together with my ex. Had a baby. Went insane for a year or so. Lost a bunch of weight. Fell in love with a gay man. Lived in a dumpster (almost literally). Lost three jobs. Fell in love with a dorkedy dork dork from my past. Moved in with him (the dumpster). Got to know a couple of intensely crazy people a lot better than I wanted to (his parents). Got in a car accident. Busted my knee. Got in hundreds of fights (the quibbling lover's sort). Got pregnant again. Had a miscarriage (would've been another abortion). These are out of sequence. Said fallen for gay man, also known as darling gay boy or best friend, just moved away to the other side of the country.

That's only the half of it.

Emotionally, I've been everwhere from the tippy top of the highest peak to the slimy bottom of the shit pit. I've been everywhere in my fantasies. I've been all over everyone (at least in my head).

I'm never quite as happy or content as I think I should be, but this is as close as I've been.

Solitude just suits me so damn well. :) Things are so chaotic in my head that I absolutely require simplicity and peace outside of me to survive.

I don't play volleyball anymore. I may not again. I don't know right now.

My son has grown from a flesh bean to a born bean to a baby bean to a toddler bean. He is my bean. I always call him bean. Baby bean, bean bean, lovey bean, bean head, melon bean (he has a big head :)), nakey bean, and so forth. As any parent knows, children run the gamut from joy of existence to horror of horrors to everything and anything in between.

Good to see that Liz's bean is growing up. :)

Aenea, I owe you several emails. Forgive my slacking.

Crys, thanks for getting me here. I needed the pushes. :)


Right now, I'm going to very much enjoy the silence.


Much love,

Soli.

Gettin' Wood

Finally, healthy enough to dance just a little bit. The music fest was fun today, even though the turn out wasn't great.


I'm getting ready to settle into bed now. "Woodfest" in the morning, it's not quite an hour away... we'll leave just after 6am (if all goes as planned.........................................................................if.)

and get there when they open at 7am. Apparently, there's just piles of logs on the side of the road at this place...and we can load it all up into Denny's trailer. We'll try to be back here before the Art in the Park has progressed too far...

now to pass out... (I will not read for an hour...I will not read for an hour...I will not read for an hour...but maybe just a few minutes...)

g'night :)

The ressurection of Solitude

Good Saturday to you all.

The turmoil of Soli's life is, after many years, dissipating.

Things are settling. Slowing.


My grown-ass woman is showing.


My lover and son are pillow-fighting to the right.

Cartoons are blaring to my left.



I'm typing this in my (well, our) apartment.


Quite a trip. :)


Happy to be amongst the Aetherians again. It's been a long time, amigos.


Off to buy things for our shockingly normal and happy abode.


There'll be more.

last days

well today is the last day of this guy at work who i worked with for i guess like three years now .. he was fun to have around .. reallly so .. it goes.. i guess i have megadeth to listen too..

the world keeps spinning.. and nothing ever stays the same ..

veem

A flare for Liz

So James and Liz are out delivering Darter to school. I'm betting the drive back from there is contemplative and a bit lonely. I live vicariously through yall when you do things with your children and try to imagine a bit of what it must be like. It's actually pretty nice to know folks well enough to get to feel some of that stuff.

Thanks.

So I will NOT be going anywhere near Denver for the next week. I'm a registered democrat by default because they'll hurt me the least. For a good while I bought the line about them being for the people, but then I've seen any number of elections here in Colorado where there was a candidate that actually was for the people and they always lose in the primaries. What we end up with at the end of the election is a middle of the road republicrat that never manages to correct any of the terrible social errors made by the republicans when they held sway. It's disappointing to say the least. I retire in a decade or so from my powerline job (if things don't change too much) and I'll probably do a bit of running for office when that occurs. I don't stand a whole lot of chance of winning but it should be entertaining for my friends to watch.

Still trying to get my sis-in-law's old Honda Accord finished fixing up so that the new owner can come get it. Man sometimes you just have to stay ON people to get them to do what they say they'll do. Not my favorite thing. When it's all said and done I should have nearly 10K saved up to get the gallery going better this winter. Since I have NO time to get anything done in the summer with all the dang work I gotta do at my day job I've just decided to go with it and save up for materials in the winter to use. Man now that was a terrible run on sentence but I'm just gonna leave it.

It's quiet here this morning. Laura is sleeping, I'm about to get ready for work. A fan is running in the background and through the open window I can hear a little of the moring traffic beginning to build. The dogs are arrayed on the living room floor and they've settled and there's the occasional jingle of a collar or tick of claw on the floor. I really love this old junky house we live in, especially on the rare instance that it's quiet and still.

Still is just not one of my strong suits.

seizure later

well sweetie pies, we are getting packed up and ready to go ... off to the mountains with darter in tow. she'll stay, and we'll come back to an empty next.

ya'll have fun and hold down the fort here at Aetheri Redux. seems like we're getting off to a slow start, but that's probably good. we're happy to welcome anyone who wants to play. crys can do that, as can james.

loveliz

ps this site got triggered by our new book, but it's not about that at all. it's about all of us and having fun. maybe it'll work, maybe not. we'll see. we invited jj and solitude, but haven't seen either so far. drag 'em in!

I'm in the money!

So a week ago Saturday I sold old blue for 2K. Yesterday I sold my old Sax for 2K. It must be the week for the 2K sale.

I've chosen to look at it as trading in my old dreams for my new dreams. Makes sense to me that way. It's kinda painful like I would imagine birthing anything worthwhile is. I actually had more trouble parting with the saxophone. Funny that, I used the truck a lot more. Maybe it's because I got the truck in 84 and the sax in 78. I had to have help from my folks to get a loan for the sax, wanted it more than anything else in the whole world. Played it for a few years and then just carried it around for a couple decades wishing I'd get back to playing it. And now my fingers have enough arthritis that I know I'll never really play it well again.

So some dreams die and others get to rise from the ashes.

Did I mention that the weather here has sucked and I have worked so much overtime that my next paycheck is at least 2 in 1?

And it makes me a little weary.

You gotta be tough to get old.

blogo

it's getting tricky to keep all our bloggishness in order. between bluenc and here and all the political traipsing we do everyday, it's hard to keep things under control.

i used to keep tribe in the mix, too, but it got to be too much. and now darter wants us to be doing facebook while she's away at college. she's been training us over the past week. guess we'll have to get that act together.

a taste of the good life

Flavors are coming back... I'm starting to be able to smell things again. Found out Friday that it's Atypical Pneumonia that's been plaguing me... aka walking pneumonia. So, now I'm on the right drugs and it's starting to let up. That's good because I'm seriously tired of being sick.

Today, after a week of very little or no scents or flavors, I tasted coffee and chocolate again. It was wonderful. Just over a week ago I went to visit my family in the mountains. My grandmother unintentionally tortured me with stories of her mother getting the flu after which she lost her sense of smell and taste for the rest of her life. She said these things through billows of cigarette smoke floating up from her mouth and the cigarette in her hand. I couldn't smell it, of course, so it didn't hurt me or the as yet unknown pneumonia in my lungs. It wasn't so bad though. She kept it to a minimum being that she's in her eighties, and it was too cold to go outside. I went in knowing what I was getting into... love that woman.

Healing now... life is good. I'm feeling better already.

Dead Line

ok today hook takes daughter .. and its parting ways.. two roads diverge ..

for me its a crazy work deadline.

we both are in a mix.. ed emotions.. v. zone

twodaze

that's how long until we drive darter to the mountains to start the next phase of her beautiful life. we're going to miss her more than we know. sorry to keep these updates coming, but it is the main thing on our mind these days.

words of advice to mothers-in-law everywhere

if you are a mother-in-law, and if you have an adult child (or children) who is/are married but have not started a family yet, here are some pointers to make sure that your children-in-law do not, at any point in time, get the overwhelming urge to either gnaw your head off or run screaming as far away from you as possible:

1) do not refer to any of their pets as your grand-dog/-cat/-fish/-bird, etc. it's not only insulting to your children, it also makes you look a little crazy (and chances are you need no further assistance in that realm, at least in the eyes of your children-in-law)

2) do not, under any circumstances, tell your neighbors that you "need to start working on those two," in reference to somehow convincing your children (and their spouses) to start a family that they are not ready to be responsible for. especially if said neighbor has six grandkids, two of whom came from the daughter who was married off at the tender young age of 17, and DOUBLE-especially if said neighbor might respond by thrusting her hips in a very lewd manner and shouting, "GET IT ON, YOU TWO!"

3) do not assume that your daughter-in-law walking quickly away from that scene with a bright red face is simply her way of being coy. she is not being coy. she is resisting the urge to strangle both you and your neighbor.

4) do not keep dropping hints about how many of your friends now have more than two grandchildren. good for them.

5) do not ever try to play the guilt card and point out that your own mother is getting old, and maybe she'd like to have some great-grandchildren before she passes on. that not only doesn't work, it's really kind of insensitive. i mean, seriously. using the mortality of your son's grandmother as incentive?

6) try to be thankful that your children (and their spouses) are being responsible adults and not bringing into the world children for which they are not yet ready. you might really want to be a grandmother, but until your children (and their spouses) want to be parents, you need to respect that decision. otherwise, they might just decide to NEVER HAVE CHILDREN just to spite you.

grumble.

i love my mother-in-law, i really do. she is wonderful in every other way...she's just blinded by this rabid desire to be a grandmother. and she can't seem to understand that we're not ready to take on that major emotional and financial commitment. we may never be ready, and that's cool...but it's a major decision, and one that he and i need to make, without her influence, based solely on where we are in life and what we want. seriously, it's not like buying a chia pet.

slashback

inspired by the old aetheri ... another snippet from our book

Hook: hey gary! you still at moitle breach?
Grayson: i think so
Uncleneddie: grrrrr. ima come in there and eat you
Hook: uncle neddie sounds hungry
Flank: Now children. Do good, be nice, have fun.
Hook: {{{flank}}}
Solitude: chew wood, free lice, bad gun
Justagrl: are you really frank?
Flank: I’d be lying if I said I weren’t.
Justagrl: tell us a lie flank
Grayson: sell us a fly crank

woooh...

old aetheri.. way back machine is wierd.. v.

let us be blissed

the song play like sirens
sirens bouncing around on warm rich memories
the moon glowing deep and encompassing the massive night
i want to be blissed and saved
from ruin and fault
from sewers and stops
to hold your hands high above and kiss your light
though i might never share those lonely nights
i am blissed in having them laid
like nicely carried stone
under the pain of day
the white tooth grin
the clear iris
and laughter strewn verse..

v.

costco

spice is a big fan of big things from costco, so today we tagged along for the first time. what an amazing scene. giant containers of stuff galore. we bought a big bag of peanut m&ms.

we won't be going back anytime soon. maybe it'll be a onceinalifetime sperience?

hope you're having a good weekend and having fun. and being nice.

yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

liz

retroactive

we have a new thingie at the bottom of the page.

Jesus Swept
and Aetheri

Click on Aetheri. You'll go wild.

its too much

i ve got too much on my shoulders i can handle it sure but really i need to have like somekind of limit .. and just stick to it .. or i m not gonna be able to handle all this coming at me ..

i need to wake up and smell the coffeeee or i am gonna fail .. and i can t allow that to happen ..v.

I might be insane.

I was sitting on the porch staring at the full moon last night.
My mind was blank, I stared at the moon intensely hoping it would pop something into my mind worth writing down. I felt frustrated in the silence, but essentially at that moment, I felt nothing.

Then out of nowhere a maniacle laugh carried through the night air. I looked for the source in confusion and felt a chill run through my spine as I quickly made up excuses to myself to what it could be.
It was his voice.
This is a person that speaks to me when there is no thought, my company when I am so blank I don't feel alive.

He spoke to me once before, I was sitting alone when he only said, "So you had a good day?"

I refused to acknowledge his presence, hoping to wipe away his existence.
That was several weeks ago. I would rather take alot of mushrooms and trip balls than be sober and hear his voice.

From when I came to understand that schizophrenia was what afflicted that hole in my memory called mother and was how I became to be in foster care and later adopted; I was afraid of becoming mentally ill myself.
My thoughts scare me, I've had repetitive dreams for 5 months in the same location called In n' out. Same location, different events. With this person that I can't even put a face to, Micah Halsey. He is an actual person that had ingrained himself into the cracks of my mind years and years before. He has since moved on with his life, but I think about him all the time, I have for years. I don't want to anymore.. and I just can't get rid of him. It worries me....

As far as real life goes, Angel and I are thrilled that we got the apartment... I go to pay him tomorrow and we move in Sunday.
I'm buying one of the most violent and beautiful tarantulas for Angel's birthday called a Cobalt Blue. They are bright blue and Grey all over, the blue is glow in the dark and it will match my glowing beaded curtain beautifully.
I've enjoyed my conversations with the UsedPoet. Usually convo's with humanoids are short lived and depressingly distant. but not with aetherians.

splained ankle

we tripped on a dog bone and sprained our durn ankle this morning. doesn't hurt all that much, but it's good to have something to complain about besides working all the durn time.

six daze till empty nest. :(

loveliz

where is everybody? we're in chapel hill, north cackalacky.

Old Blue has left the building

I think it must be because of the no children thing..... but I get attached to the occasional "thing". One thing I've become attached to over the years is my old blue Nissan pickup. I bought it brand spankin new in November of 1984. Pretty little blue thing, bare bones I guess but pretty fancy to me. Extended cab, four wheel drive and all I added to it was a passenger side mirror and a bumper.

I drove it for 23 1/2 years and 230,000 miles. It's taken me to work through blizzards and heat waves, a marriage ending, a new courtship (two in fact), another wedding, it's rebuilt houses, hauled trash, held me when I cried and surrounded me when I was happy.

At the current time I'm working my way out of having 6 vehicles. The '93 Black Honda Del Sol went to Laura's sis and I'm finishing fixing her old '97 Accord which someone has already put money down on. Laura's '94 Del Sol is doing great and stays. My red '00 Pickup stays as well because it's great and does what I need from a truck. Nothing gets the '82 Kawasaki 1100 motorcycle outta my hands, it's freedom with the roll of a wrist, and I'm going to enjoy my '86 Honda 4X4 wagon for the mileage and general kitsch when it finally gets it's new clutch and timing belt in it. So...... I needed to unload cars.

Come September I'll be down to 2 Honda's, a truck and a motorcycle. See.... when you drive junky old cars you can't have just one. The money from the sales will go to materials for the gallery come January.

But I digress.......

I loved that old truck. I hugged it goodbye. I had just gotten done rebuilding the motor, getting the seats redone, and fixing every mechanical thing that had ever gone wrong. Someone got a good deal. And he's putting the jump seats back in for his kids.

Somehow that brings tears to my eyes. Old Blue gets kids.

Feels good somehow.

bash my head oval

okay must not lose focus
this is a one way street with no exits signs
the blankets of dawn have nothing to give
i must resign and push underneath
this is just a deaf drolled out burnt cinder
calm gather collect distinct alert brazen brawl
move forward.

v.

oneweak

a week from today we pack up darter and drive her five hours west of here to start her freshman year in college. we can hardly bear to really think it through. it's certainly a big day for her, but the prospect of an empty nest is already scaring the crap out of us.

liz

as channeled by hook

Making Rope and Riding Motorcycles

My body hurts from the coughing. Flu bug wins fourth week in a row. However, the fantastic summer cannot be stopped.

This coming weekend is a home weekend. I get to spend time with Laura & Denny, relax, make stuff... feels like such a luxury. All these good feelings will push out the bug... they gotta.

publicitease

we've been spending all our time lately trying to identify some publicity hotshots to help us make this book a blockbuster. dang this is hard! they all say they like the book and the writing and the cover, but they also say don't get your hopes up because first time authors with small publishers don't get the time of day from the Big Cheeses who run the book world. anyway, we're talking to a couple and we'll see how it goes. looks like writing this thing was just the beginning of a long, hard slog.

thought you might like to see another one of the rejects on our search for the perfect cover. early on, this novel was called "threads." in fact, we were actually thinking about publishing it under three titles simultaneously. jesus swept. threads. sweet spot.

it just sort of happened

(i'll bet bobby beak was one of those uncles...)
(i wrote this during an encounter with one of the outhouses at cape lookout...it's weird how pretty the wildflowers are that grow around those things. anyway, it came to mind when i read the excerpt...)


"my little shithouse flower."

that was his nickname for her, and she hated it, almost as much as she hated him.

"so pretty, and growing up in a world of shit. but you're smart, you won't stay around here for long. i've got to have my fun with you while i can."

and so he did, for years. at first, she was too young to realize what was happening, but he was her uncle, and she'd been raised to respect her elders. not that he was really very worthy of respect...33 years old, unemployed and living with his parents, her grandparents, in a two-bedroom cottage in the countryside.

as she grew, so did her understanding, as well as her hate. she would often lose herself in fantasies of revenge...people thought she was daydreaming, but she was really envisioning new and ever more mercilessly creative ways of getting rid of her problem. she could cut off his dick, shove it in his mouth, tape it closed, light a match. watch him go up in flames, unable to scream around the mouthful of cock.

just like she had been.

that was her favorite method.

she never told anybody. even if they would believe her, she had a feeling she wasn't the first victim, nor he the first offender. small backwards communities usually have small backwards minds. for all she knew, it was some sort of sick heirloom.

after a while, the abuse stopped. but her hate never did.

tech tussles

been a crappy day on the technology front. our intertubes went down and then we couldn't answer the durn questions from steph about how to make a post. frusteratin' no?

anyway, i thought it would be good to change the subject, so here's one of my least favorite scenes from our book. i hate that sonofabitch bobby beak. i surely do.

Hook spends Sunday morning doing inventory at the fishing superstore with her boss, Bobby Beak. She had fun Saturday night journaling about her job, and her online friends said she should ask for a raise. That’s her plan, but old Bobby has other things on his mind.

“When you gonna let me see them titties of yours, missy?” It’s the third time he’s asked today. “Tell you what,” he says. “I’ll give you that raise and the afternoon off for a little peek.”

Hook’s backed up against a spool of anchor chain. There’s no way out except to squeeze by her lecherous boss. “I ain’t no whore.”

“Course you ain’t no whore.” Bobby pushes his slid-down bifocals up his bulbous nose. Unlike his older brother Bill, Bobby leans toward the chunky side of the family. “I never said you was. I just wanna see them tits.” He pushes closer.

“You seen tits before, Mr. Beak. And you know they ain’t worth all this trouble.” Her hand eases to the shark hook on her belt.

Bobby backs off a few rickety steps. His puny left leg has slowed him down ever since polio introduced him to limping at the age of seven.

“You know what, missy? You ain’t the most cooperative damn employee I ever had. Maybe you oughta think about working somewheres else.”

Hook’s tempted to drag her Water Devil through Bobby’s butt on her way out the door, but even a half-assed raise would make her transition to independence smoother.
“How about this. You write me a letter about the raise and all, something official, and I’ll show ‘em to you.”

“Don’t seem like you trust me too much.” Bobby looks from her steel hook to her green eyes and back.

“It ain’t about trust, Mr. Beak. I gotta take care now that I’m moving out on my own. You understand that.”

“About time you left that shithead brother of yours. Heard he tried to rape some lady down the beach. That right?”

“Nah. He was just looking. Got his head smashed for it, though.” Hook’s hint of a smile brushes Bobby back a few more steps. He parks himself on a carton of fishing line, picking at his ear with a gnarly fisherman’s finger. She drops the Water Devil. It joggles on its chain like a just-hanged man. Bobby’s relieved to see the hook swing free.

“What kinda raise you got in mind?”

“Dollar an hour.”

His whistle echoes through the stockroom. “Pretty damn rich.”

“Suit yourself.” Hook starts for the door.

“Hold on now.” Bobby struggles to his feet.

“I’m the best damn worker you ever had around here. And you don’t pay me nothing like them others.”

Bobby nods his oversized head. “Fair enough, missy.” He looks her over, licks his lips. “You just keep up the inventorying till I get back.”

da deal

so i was talking with james and liz about how this deal's gonna work now that we're all jumpin' in and writing stuff. here's the scoop.

if the book makes any money, a third of the author's take (that's james) will go to all of us! WOOT. another third goes to charities ... and the third third goes to james' mortgage payments. :)

but don't start spending it all right away because the durn thing won't even be published until december and lord knows if and when it'll ever go big time. seems like james has been working on this thing for about two centuries, but i guess it's really only been seven years. SEVEN YEARS???? just to write a durn book? okay. i guess he deserves some profits. but i tell you what, we're the ones who are gonna make this sucker rock. leastwise i am because, after all, i'm nothing but a figment of yall's imagination, so to speak.

boink.

sundown

lost in this new age personality i created to breathe
my hair seems to fall out with every sunrise
blowing a smile off
i know though if i had to smile i could probably afford it these days
though underneath remains many of the baffled scrapes
yet across the fear and below the tailspin
a whip
a cup of coffee
a kiss
a gun
a knife
The sound of thunder rumbling as the world stretches and pulls ....... v.

okay. the ball's rollin'

hiyahiyahiya

we just invited a bunch of our old friends to be characters in our book ... by being exactly themselves, of course. no need to pretend to be anybody other than who you are. just think of emisphor as aetheri redux, or something like that. post as much or as little as you want.

just so you know though, hook (that's me/james) is one of the book's main characters. i'm a poet, a fishergirl, a doper and a lover. my boyfriend is eddie junior and my adopted daddy is frank. our book had a liz, but she got killed in a car wreck, or so i'm told.

here's something from the book to get you started:

Grayson: you are one pissed off hook
Hook: i know I am but what are you
Grayson: broom boy
Hook: whys that?
Grayson: cos i likes to schweep?
Hook: schweep what?
Grayson: moitle beach
Hook: you schweep sand?
Grayson: finders bleepers losers sleepers
Hook: huh?
Grayson: bounty hunger
Hook: your weird
Grayson: gotsta go . . . find me some tweasure
Hook: happy huntin
Grayson: tanks
Hook: nice to meet ya
Grayson: rice to eat ya
Hook: : )
Grayson: ice to sleet ya
Hook: wacko
Grayson: back hoe
Hook: stop
Grayson: you’ll get used to it
Hook: doubt that
Grayson: grout splat
Hook: snout rat
Grayson: yay for hook!
Hook: trout flat
Hook: pout pat
Hook: stout cat
Hook: route bat
Hook: out fat
Hook: you gone?

chicago

we just got back from a whirlwind visit to the second city and had lotsa fun. boat rides, bike rides, cab rides. plus a ton of walking. we ate at a place called ed debevics where the wait people yell at you can call you names in a weird kind of entertainment. very strange.

back now. good to be home. the carolina coast beats lake michigan any day if you ask me ... not that you asked me.

august already

we're gettin' kinda nervous. this book will be published in four months and there's a ton of stuff to do before the big day. stuff we're working on: the website, the synopsisisisisis, finding a publicist (Susan! Please call!) and of course, keeping Sinker out of trouble.

here's another one of the covers that didn't make the cut. that's me (Hook) and my tenth angel tattoo. cool, heh?